If She Only Knew
by Emika
Summary: A romance song-fic about Mamoru's hidden feelings towards Usagi. =)


  
Beginning Notes: This is my first song-fic so bear with me k? =)  
  
~*~  
  
He had done it again. Baka! Chiba Mamoru chided to himself. He had insulted her. Darn him. He shifted uncomfortably.   
Tsukino Usagi fumed at him. How dare he! Haw dare he talk to her like that! That cold blooded blow heart! "You! How dare you!" She hissed at him.   
Mamoru backed away slightly. "Easy Odango, it was just a joke!" He brought his hands up defensively.   
The hated nickname.   
"Hey! You got the mind of a 2-year old?!" She growled. "My name is Usagi! Tsukino Usagi and for you information I'm doing a whole lot better in my classes you pompous college jerk!" Her hands balled into fists tightly, she struggled to keep her hands at her sides and if looks could kill, Mamoru would be lucky to even be a cinder.  
He flinched. Man she was steamed. "Fine, Usagi...fine...just chill ne? Calm down." Ok so his remark was harsh but he had not idea that she would take it so seriously. He was just teasing her. What was wrong with that? "Gomen."  
Usagi grumbled one last time before turning sharply on her heel, storming off. He made her so infuriated! He would say the most inconsiderate things and thought he could make it better just by saying "Gomen"?!  
Mamoru stared after her. The long golden streams that flew behind her, her adorable smile. Even making her mad was beginning to wear off it's charm. She was cute furious too. He couldn't keep this up. There was no way he could pretend to hate her like this. It wasn't right.  
~*~  
If she only knew  
What I knew but couldn't say  
If she could just see   
The part of me I hid away  
~*~  
Usagi grumbled to herself, pulling her coat around her tighter. She breathed, it appeared as soft puffs. Her pace quickened into a run. Cold. Too cold. Her thoughts rushed along with her. Why was it that Mamoru constantly annoyed her? Honestly, what possessed that man to tease her perpetually without mercy? She sighed, her thoughts trailing to a better side now.  
Tuxedo Kamen-sama. Dang he was handsome. She hadn't seen him in a while, not since the last attack for energy.   
Baka Nephrite. He was really getting in her nerves now a days. She couldn't stand the fact that he would take advantage of such pure hearted people. Though secretly part of her was grateful. That was the only time she ever saw Tuxedo Kamen-sama.   
She smiled to herself then, dreaming of being in peril, thinking of him rescuing her and taking her away. Now why can't he be the one crazy for her? Why'd it have to be Umino? Bleh. The school nerd really was beginning to freak her out lately. She smacked into something, something warm and fell back.  
Mamoru had been staring at the full moon that peeked through storm clouds in wonder. He was thinking of Usagi as he for some reason always did when he glanced at the bright object that loomed in the sky when something hit him. He raised an eyebrow and looked down. Speak of the devil. Hello little rabbit. Don't mess up this time, his mind told him. "Usagi-chan? You ok?" He turned and knelt down by her.   
Usagi looked at him confused. "Nani?" She blinked.  
Mamoru took her hands in his. They were small and warm. He helped her up slowly. "I asked if you were ok." He replied softly.  
Usagi shook her head. "No before that. You called me Usagi." She looked at him suspiciously. What was going on in his head.  
Mamoru shrugged. "It's your name isn't it?" He tried to understand what she was getting at. 'What's so weird about saying her name?'  
Usagi folded her arms. "You always call me Odango Atama." She glared. 'What's he up to? Does he honestly expect me to actually believe he doesn't know what's odd about that?'  
'I do don't I?' He looked pensive. 'Well crap. I screwed up didn't I? She's suspicious.' "Gomen Odango. I didn't realize you actually preferred Odango Atama."  
"I never said that!" She hissed at him.  
Mamoru smiled smugly. Good cover. He looked up at the sky. "Sounds like thunder." He commented absently.   
Usagi tensed and listened too. It did sound like thunder. Oh no. She cringed. Not thunder, not lightning, please no.   
As fate would have it, lightning flashed, followed by thunder. Loud and sudden. It came crashing down from the black clouds instantly, followed by more booms.  
Usagi cried out and instinctively clung to Mamoru. She closed her eyes tightly, burying her face into his black shirt.  
Mamoru blinked. Was he dreaming? No this was real. Hesitantly, his arms came around her and held her tightly.   
Usagi whimpered into his shirt, shuddering and tightening her grip on him, holding on for dear life. "I hate thunder..." She mumbled over and over.  
Mamoru pulled her closer, leading her to a covered area, away from the rain that threatened to soak them. He whispered softly in her ear. "It's ok...I'm here..."  
Usagi opened her eyes. Those words, those words sounded so familiar. "Mamoru-san?"  
Mamoru cringed. He liked her saying his name too much. "Hai?" He answered cautiously. This was insane. Usagi hated him yet he was holding her so close, so close he could have died. He could feel her warm breath on his neck.  
"Can you take me home?" Usagi asked sheepishly. She was entranced with his smell. Almost like roses. She looked up at him and grudgingly admitted he was handsome.  
Mamoru looked at her and smiled. He nodded slowly and they began walking, their arms wrapped around each other. Mamoru would smile to himself every time the sporadic thunder came and Usagi tightened her grasp for just an instant as she flinched. It finally hit him in his insane moment of delirious heaven that he had no clue where her home was. He stopped walking a moment, letting the rain pour over them. He felt Usagi shiver against him and instinctively pulled her closer to his chest. "Usagi-chan?"  
Usagi raised her head from its comfortable position on his chest. "Hai?" She stared up into his intense eyes, realizing for maybe the first time that they were blue. A deep dark blue that she could drown in.  
Mamoru shifted uneasily. "Where...do you live?" He cocked his head to the side, raising an eyebrow quizzically. He didn't know how or why but an instinct inside him said they were close.  
Usagi opened her mouth to reply. She was about to pull back from him when it dawned on her of how tightly she was holding her, how protective this grip was.   
"Usagi?" A familiar female voice questioned over the storm from a car that drove by them.  
Usagi looked in the direction the voice had come from and her eyes widened. Of all people. "Mom?" The young teenager managed to squeak out in her obvious embarrassment to be caught by her mother in the arms of her archenemy.   
Mamoru stiffened. Her...mother? He felt himself gulp. No. No, he wasn't even ready to admit to himself that yes, that he liked the Odango. No he wasn't prepared to be caught, holding her this close, to admit to her mother that he absolutely adored her daughter. The conversation continued between the two women, but it was all a buzz to Mamoru. What was he going to say? How would he explain to Mrs. Tsukino-san. It was then did Mamoru feel a lack as Usagi pulled away from him. He turned and saw her getting into the back of the car.  
Usagi gave him a weak smile. She could never face him again. Not after she had clung to him like she had tonight. She forced a wave. "Arigato Mamoru-san for taking me this far. Amazingly for once you've been a gentleman." There. Maybe that will draw the line again. She hoped at the thought. She didn't want Mamoru avoiding her because he thought she liked him. Which she did. Heck she had had a huge crush on the guy since nearly she had met him but he wasn't supposed to know that. No. Mamoru-san was to never know that she, his arch nemesis liked him. She felt relieved as her mother drove away from the curb where Mamoru stood.  
Mamoru felt numb. The sudden loss of her warmth made him feel lost. Like a small child without his parents. Which was what he was and he flinched at the complete irony of the situation, of his feelings now. 'Amazingly for once you've been a gentleman.' He thought curiously. Yes. She had said that. Was he really that cruel to her? He shook his head as he walked away. It didn't matter now. Now everything was back to normal and he would have a battle of wits with Odango, no doubt the next day at the arcade when he went to visit Motoki. He smiled. He couldn't wait. These daily encounters with the Odango Atama were beginning to become the highlight of his day. Like an addiction. He needed them. He looked up at the cloudy sky and let the rain pour onto his face and drip down his chin. Still...  
~*~  
If I could just hold her in my arms again  
And just say I love you  
But she's gone away, maybe she's stay  
If she only knew  
~*~  
Mamoru trudged into his apartment slowly. He sighed and fell back onto his bed. It was then did his heart finally stop pounding hard and his adrenaline began to slow down. He starred at the ceiling in thought. How could he feel this way? How could he possibly like a girl who completely hated him? Maybe it was just a whim of God, punishing him for the times he had pushed people away, teaching him what the feeling of being pushed away felt like. He hated this feeling. This feeling of no where to go, of feeling utterly trapped. In one direction, loneliness and pain lie ahead and the chance of him actually hurting his Odango and that was the last thing he wanted. On the other hand, the other road led to nothing but humiliation and rejection by the only person he had ever felt this way about. Well maybe not the only. On certain nights he recalled his heart yearning for his dream princess. The mysterious beauty who beckoned to him, cried for him to bring the Ginzuishou to her. He sighed. He didn't even know her name, maybe he was just drunk on his own fantasy to put logic with his princess. Then again, logic didn't fit with Usagi either. The girl practically defied all logic that life had taught Mamoru. She was a klutz, lazy and holy cow could she wolf down a meal and yet...there was something that intrigued him. Her smile. That adorable smile that he would see from a distance, rarely directed at him, yet he cherished every moment he saw that smile.   
Mamoru smiled faintly. She had the most beautiful and pure heart he had ever felt. Sure she wasn't graceful but she had these strange talents of making you feel special when you talk to her. Something that just seems to make the rest of the world disappear and melt into eternity. He sighed. Even if he did tell her, she'd never believe him. She'd most likely think he was trying to play a cruel prank. He flinched at this. If that did happen, it would be his fault of course. He had started this war between them, all with that dumb comment on how bad her test score was. It was strange on how wars start. It's always over something small and stupid that grew into something big and that's how the war between them came to be. His stupid comment.  
~*~  
If she could just feel  
What I feel here in my heart  
She'd know it was real  
Pure and true right from the start  
~*~  
It was later that night did Usagi forget about her encounter with Mamoru earlier and this was only because she had more important things to think about. She re-entered the cold night, the storm having stopped, but this time it was as a pretty sailor-suited solider. She ran down the abandoned street of Tokyo. She was losing her breath. How long had she been running? She wasn't sure, she did know that she was almost there though. Ami had given her the scoop. Nephrite was at it again. Her eyes narrowed. Fairview park. It was there. She stopped abruptly.   
A young woman lay in a crumpled heap on the ground, a yoma standing over her. Sailor Moon recognized her almost instantly. Naru-chan! She remembered how Naru had been acting so strangely, how obsessed she was at working at her mother's store. The yoma laughed. "Arigato for the energy."  
"Hold it!" A voice called out.  
The yoma turned sharply. "Who are you?" It's eyes narrowed.  
"Taking advantage of young, innocent girls who just wish to help and elder and stealing their energy! I won't forgive you! Pretty Sailor-suited solider of love and justice, Sailor Moon!" Sailor Moon held her pose a minute. "In the name of the moon, I'll punish you!"  
The yoma sneered. "Back off baka!" She held out her hand and energy shot forward towards Sailor Moon.  
Sailor Moon screamed and tried to dodge (unsuccessfully) and the energy pinned her to a tree. The energy dimmed and turned into crystal shards. She gulped.   
The yoma held out her hand. "Sayonara, Sailor Moon."  
Sailor Moon felt a sinking feeling of worry inside of her. Where was Mercury with the other senshi? She thought frantically as she tried to free herself. She watched as the shard came zipping towards her chest. She closed her eyes, awaiting the impact.  
It never came.   
Confused, the senshi of the moon opened her eyes. Directly in front of her, the shard lay, shattered, a rose in the midst of the pieces. She sighed, relieved and looked up, her eyes looking for her masked rescuer.   
Tuxedo Kamen smashed the shards with his cane. "Sailor Moon, are you all right?" He looked at her. She was beautiful. He silently scolded himself for thinking this. 'You have a deranged love-life Mamoru. First the princess, then Usagi and now Sailor Moon too?' Well at least he had more than one choice in case Usagi rejected him, which was his first choice since she was just a normal girl, no powers. It would be a some-what normal relationship.  
Sailor Moon nodded and turned to the yoma, who she realized, Tuxedo Kamen had delivered a nice blow to the head to. "Moon tiara," She held onto the tiara and flung it at the yoma. "Action!"  
The yoma screamed as it disintegrated into moon dust.  
Sailor Moon sighed in relief. "Arigato Kamen-sama." She turned to face him and confusion washed over her. He was looking at her strangely. She couldn't see his eyes but could practically feel the emotion building up inside of him.  
Tuxedo Kamen suddenly pulled her close to him. It was an action that surprised both the hero and her protector. He held her tightly, hoping she would look at him. "Sailor Moon...that shard could of killed you."  
Sailor Moon felt confused. Why was he holding her like this? "But you saved me..." She hesitantly wrapped her arms around his waist.  
Tuxedo Kamen shook his head. "I was almost too late and..." He paused, pulling back, staring deep into her blue eyes. "I have never been so afraid."  
Sailor Moon stared up at him, wishing she could see what lay behind that mask. What was he feeling? "Tuxedo Kamen-sama..." She whispered softly.  
He leaned down slowly, leaning towards her face. She wasn't refusing him. He hesitated, then slowly pressed his lips down upon hers. Her lips were sweet and made him shiver at the pleasure tasting them gave him.   
The senshi gasped softly and responded slowly. How long had she dreamed of this? How long had she wanted him to kiss her, to hold her near and whisper softly to her.   
Naru was beginning to wake, she groaned softly, her head aching.  
Tuxedo Kamen pulled back in alarm at hearing the victim begin to awake. He looked at Sailor Moon who looked back at him confusingly. "G-gomen." He tensed. Now what? What could he possibly do? There was nothing really to do except. He would have to hurt her, even though the thought made his heart lurch it was the only way. He backed away from her slowly. She was looking at him in a blur of fear and confusion. He looked away from the sky blue eyes that looked at him questioningly and turned and ran into the night.  
Sailor Moon stood there, feeling confused and cold. "Kamen-sama..." She whispered softly.   
~*~  
The morning was bleak, dark and gloomy a clouded gray sky. Usagi seemed to match the weather. She stood outside the crown game center, her forehead pressed against the window. Her eyes stared at a poster of the new Sailor V game. She stared at her idol and sighed. 'I bet Sailor V never has guy problems.' She thought bitterly. 'She's so pretty and smart. Tuxedo Kamen-sama wouldn't of run away from Sailor V' The thought seemed to make Usagi even more depressed than ever. She slouched slightly. She didn't get the man. He was simply impossible. He...he didn't want her. He must of realized something that night. He wouldn't of ran away if he was really in love with her like she hoped. Her mind had been telling her these things all morning and they were beginning to burn their way into her brain.  
Mamoru hung his head as he walked down the sidewalk towards the arcade. He couldn't believe what he had done to Sailor Moon. Why couldn't he of just left like he always did. Why did he have to express how he felt about her? WHY? He grumbled. She probably would never even look at him again after what he had done. He flinched. 'Well, you really messed things up with Sailor Moon, Chiba.' He thought mater-of-factly. He looked up and his spirits lightened somewhat. Hello Odango. He smiled as he approached her , then stopped abruptly. This was not the bubble of pure energy that he knew as Usagi. He stepped back slightly at the sight before him. His insides lurched as he hesitantly walked towards her. "Usagi?"  
Usagi lifted her head slowly and looked to her side. Mamoru? No, not now. She was in no mood for a battle now. "Go away Chiba-san. I don't feel like arguing today." She murmured softly. She turned back towards the window.   
'Don't feel like arguing today?' Mamoru thought irritated. He folded his arms. He wasn't leaving. He had become addicted to these fights. He needed them and he wasn't going to postpone one of these beloved fights just because she didn't feel like it. "Odango, I demand that you fight with me." He said indignantly.   
'What?' Usagi thought. This comment prodded a small giggle from her. "No." She replied.  
Mamoru's lips hinted at a smile. It had been just a giggle, but it was a start. "Yes." He tapped his foot impatiently. "I haven't had a fight all day." How was he pulling this off without laughing?  
Usagi laughed softly. She turned to face him. "You're impossible baka." She said, setting small hands on her hips.  
Mamoru smirked. "Your insufferable Odango." He was cheering inside. He had done it. He knew she couldn't resist to argue with that.  
Usagi was about to shoot off a reply when she remembered what had been bothering her. She backed away slightly. "I have to go..." She mumbled softly, looking melancholy again.  
Mamoru frowned to himself. What was bothering her. "Usagi, maybe I can help..."  
Usagi shook her head. "No you can't, you couldn't understand. Just, just leave me alone!" Usagi turned and ran, tears streaming down her cheeks as she headed home.  
~*~  
But I'm just a man,  
Who didn't understand.  
What she was going threw  
She's gone away, maybe she'd stay  
If she only knew  
~*~  
Mamoru stared after her, blinking. 'Oh no Odango. I will not leave you alone.' He thought, walking after her. Sailor Moon would probably never speak to him again. He would not have his Odango treating him the same way. He stalked towards where he had seen the rabbit run off to. He stopped by a flower shop. A thought struck him and he smiled. 10 minutes later, he walked out with a bouquet of deep red roses.  
~*~  
How did I ever let her get away  
'Cause love is so easy to feel   
But the hardest thing to say  
~*~  
Mamoru found himself standing outside a nice looking house in the Azabu Juuban area. He mechanically hid the roses behind him as he knocked the door.  
A tear stained face opened the door and looked at him in shock. "M-Mamoru-san?" She asked uncertainly.   
Mamoru suddenly felt himself become very nervous. "I thought you could use some cheering up." He managed a smile as he held out the roses to her.   
Usagi stared at him in disbelief, her shocked expression holding it's place before fading into a smile as she took the roses. "Arigato."  
Mamoru shifted uneasily. "Can..can I come in?"  
Usagi thought a moment. "My parent's aren't home but...sure..." She smiled and stepped aside for him to come in. She wondered who the heck he was, the Mamoru she knew would never be so kind.   
Mamoru stepped inside and closed the door behind him, following Usagi into the living room. He looked at his surroundings curiously, absently wondering where Usagi's room was.  
Usagi put the roses in a vase and sat down on the comfy cushion of her couch. She sighed.   
Mamoru looked at her, seeing she was far more nervous at having him in her house than he was. He grew serious. "Want to tell me what's wrong?"  
Usagi's eyes seemed to get slightly teary again. "Have you ever liked someone but..." She paused, sniffing. "but you just weren't good enough?" She turned to face him, tears falling freely down her cheeks.   
Mamoru blinked. So that's what was bothering her. He pulled her into a hug, something that surprised both of them. He held her tightly and kissed her forehead, whispering softly. "No one good enough for you..."   
Usagi's eyes widened slightly and her arms wrapped around him tightly. "Really?" She squeaked softly, looking up into the deep ocean blue eyes.   
Mamoru nodded. "Really."  
Usagi giggled slightly and hugged him tightly. "Arigato Mamo-chan."  
Mamoru smiled, unsure of what was really going on at the moment but didn't really care. He had in her in his arms and for the moment, that was more than enough. Closing his eyes in contentment.  
~*~   
If she could just see  
What I see when I close my eyes  
All that I dream  
Surely she would realize  
~*~  
Mamoru knew then that he had to tell her but, what if she didn't feel the same way? He would never be able to hold her in his arms like this again. With his goal in mind he tightened his embrace, opening his eyes slowly. He could feel words forming in his throat but he'd never know what those words were because it was then did Usagi pull back.  
"You should go, my parents will be home soon. You wouldn't want them to get the wrong idea." She smiled, standing up.  
'Don't I?' Mamoru thought, standing as well. He followed the bubbly blonde to the door reluctantly.   
Usagi opened the front door. "Arigato for the roses and cheering me up again, Mamoru." She smiled at him.  
Mamoru smiled back. "Anytime." He waved slightly and walked outside, hearing the door close behind him. He sighed as he began to walk home again.  
~*~  
But like a fool I waited much to long  
To let her know the truth  
She's gone away  
Maybe she'd stay  
If she only knew  
~*~  
Mamoru laid on his bed that night, thinking of his dream princess, Usagi and the beautiful senshi Sailor Moon. He sighed. If only he hadn't done that to Sailor Moon but the pretty suited solider left his mind almost instantly. Usagi. How she had smiled at him and been so grateful to him. He grinned, wishing that Usagi would smile at him like that more often. He wondered how she would act if he told her that he loved her.   
~*~  
How did I ever let her get away  
'Cause love is so easy to feel,  
but the hardest thing to say  
~*~  
Usagi sat on her bed, staring out the window. Forget Tuxedo Kamen-sama. 'Mamoru Chiba, if you could just feel the same way as I do.' She sighed, hugging a pillow to her chest. "I hope today will be the start of a slightly changed relationship." She thought of Mamoru and smiled to herself. She loved being held in his arms, wondering what he was thinking during that short period of time.  
~*~  
Mamoru stood on his balcony. Tomorrow would be another day. He sighed. Tomorrow he'd see his Usako. He chuckled to himself. He was completely head over heels for her and she was completely oblivious to it. He wondered absently if he would ever get the guts to tell her. It would be so nice if he'd never have to. She would just somehow know. It would save him some embarrassment in case she rejected him. Mamoru propped his chin on his hand, his elbow resting on the balcony rail.   
~*~  
If she only knew  
What I knew but could not say  
If she could just see  
The part of me  
That I hid away  
~*~  
Mamoru's eyes closed, remembering holding her in his arms, feeling her small body conform to him. Her warm breath and the stray wisps of hair from her Odangos, like silk, soft and constantly tickling his chin. "Usagi..." He whispered softly into the lonely night.  
~*~  
If I could just hold her in my arms again  
And just say I love you - I love you  
She's gone away  
Maybe she'd stay  
If she only knew  
~*~  
  
End Notes: What do you think? Bad? Good? Please tell me! This was my first song fic so don't tottally bomb me okies? Oh, By the way, if you do send your comments, please use constructive criticism. Just 'YOU SUCK' isn't going to help me any.  



End file.
